i slept at 3 last night, woke up and dragged my ass to church at 9 friggin am. and then i had tuition from 1030 to 1 before going gardens to meet andrew for a bit, and it was one of the best conversations we had. well it made me think alot about the past and all the shit that happened which made me "ohhh i wanna kill myself my life has crumbled i feel numb life has no more meaning.. " NO LA im just kidding it wasnt that bad.
you see things will always get messy and complicated when these kinda things happen. but sometimes you gotta make the right decision on what to do next. everyone faces the same fears and anxieties but hard facts have to brought down, real hard. and the same scenario always begins:
when a girl tells you she likes you, it takes hell alot of courage. because it has so many dreadful (or not) consequences. in her mind she's thinking.. oh no if i tell him and if he doesn't like me back he's gonna start avoiding me and i don't want to lose him as a friend. and hence some people choose lovers over friends, or friends over lovers. it depends on the individual. and at the same time, the guy will be pretty damn unsure what to do next. if he avoids her, he's being childish. but yet if he chooses the alternative and still remains close to her, he's leading her on. so you see moral of the story is, things like this will always happen whether you want them to or not. and first impressions are always what determines the direction of a relationship. i was a victim myself and it was like crap.
maybe that's why people start off being lovers so as to avoid this whole mess but what they do not realise is that there's a 50-50 chance on whether it's gonna last. and people always say oh you know the relationships that last are the ones that start off as friends because they truly understand and know the goodness and flaws of the other.. but this doesn't always apply in reality, does it. because i know some real solid rock couples who started out as lovers and are still going strong (and some not)
it's the worse thing to be involved in such an entanglement, however im not advocating singlehood for everyone out there (i mean duhh i wanna get married and have kids, but i dont want my daughter to be called sue-ann anymore hahahah) i still strongly believe that you can never choose who you want to love, and who you don't want to. everything is so damn dynamic that you never know when friends turn into lovers and when lovers turn into friends. but as long as you have a good idea of what you want and the courage to accept things that don't go your way.. who needs love. NO IM JUST KIDDING HAHAHHA.
well as for me.. im always vulnerable to the winds of change. feelings come and go but i gotta learn to brush it away and say hey, this will not be good for me. it will be hard definitely, in fact it'll be a damn STRUGGLE but it'll be all for the best. COST-BENEFIT ANALYSIS
okay enough of ranting. i just wanted to blog about how i had a good day. bye!